Post Scriptum

I didn't reply to the (kind) words Raph wrote or the (kind) forum thread on Q23 because I decided to not read anything for a few days. If you see me writing now it's not because I changed my decision but only because I want to make some precisations as everyone that commented was wondering what I was trying to achieve with this site or the real reason why I decided to stop.

So I'll try to explain as clearly and succinctly as I can:

The purpose of this site: The purpose of this site was to be a "surrogate". A ladder to watch the stars. I didn't expect to get a job in the game industry by writing here (come ooon). I was writing here because I KNEW I wouldn't have an occasion to get a job in the game industry. Writing was a way to get as close as possible to what I liked and that was out of reach. Confrontate and all the rest.

This site didn't have a "goal" to reach. I didn't "quit" because I didn't get as many readers as I originally hoped or because I wasn't influencing game design enough. Nor because I wanted to replicate what Lum did. I don't pretend to be on the same league. This site was a playground and an archive. A memory. It was simply a bag where I put thoughts. As a bag, it was just a container and didn't have another goal or purpose. Just that.

The reason why I'm done: the reason why I'm done isn't because this site had a goal that I wasn't able to reach, nor because I cannot pay the hosting fees. The reason is entirely external to the site and is about myself. Writing about mmorpgs completely absorbed me and I loved it. I wasn't bored doing that, I wanted to do it MORE. Dedicating it more time without feeling bad.

I simply reached a point where I wanted to justify what I'm doing. Is that odd? Justify that dedication. Find a sense so that I didn't feel like wasting time. Find a legitimation. But I knew that I didn't have an option, so I felt like being pulled into two opposite directions, and I broke there.

I'm broken.

So. Thanks everyone for the comments.

There's a (now old) thread on Q23 where I wrote some more. The thread is also interesting for the discussion beside my specific case.

I think that within five years, Abalieno will be able to make his dream come true. By himself, mostly.

That's not a dream, it's a nightmare. My dream is to work with other people where I'm just one of many and make games for other people. Not doing a game on my own and where I'm going to be the only player.

Re: Post Scriptum

I'm just repeating myself, but you will be missed. Should you decide to change your mind, nobody will hold it against you. Best of luck in whatever strikes your fancy next, and please drop in to the occasional blog and let us know you're still kicking around. ;)

Re: Post Scriptum

Man i used to read this blog to get my news on the mmorpg scene when i was at home like once per month... and i'm just one in the sea of the lurkers... we'll miss you.. really good luck for everything.
(lol someone of you american guys give this man a job, we italiens rule, that's common knowledge)

Re: Post Scriptum

Why would you want to work as a dev anyway? Look at the burnout rate. Look at the hours. You could make far more money in another field if you're willing to work those hours. All you'd be doing is ruining your enjoyment of your hobby.

Re: Post Scriptum

Once upon a time there was a fox strolling through the woods. He came upon a grape orchard. There he found a bunch of beautiful grapes hanging from a high branch.

"Boy those sure would be tasty," he thought to himself. He backed up and took a running start, and jumped. He did not get high enough.

He went back to his starting spot and tried again. He almost got high enough this time, but not quite.

He tried and tried, again and again, but just couldn't get high enough to grab the grapes.

Finally, he gave up.

As he walked away, he put his nose in the air and said: "I am sure those grapes are sour."

Re: Post Scriptum

Had I tried to get a dev job and failed your quote might have made some sense...

Looking at a field filled with horror stories of 80 horror work weeks and 5 year average burnout rates, and saying no thanks isn't a matter of sour grapes.

Re: Post Scriptum

So then who will fill your place. You do realize you have carzed out a unique little niche here? Sure your not a paid employee and have never shiped a game but your dedication and openess with your ideas has created something that people are aware of.

I think there is merit here and if for nothing else want you to know I have enjoyed your work.

Re: Post Scriptum

No one will ever be able to accuse you of not caring, that's for sure. Good luck man.

Re: Post Scriptum

Gonna miss reading this site. Your rants and insights into the workings of the industry were always enjoyable to read.

A pity you don't work in the business, your dream MMO would've been amazing. The clarity of vision you show, and the way it all fit together is something that this genre could really use.

Re: Post Scriptum

I have never seen a site hit so many nails on the head. It's a shame your putting down the hammer.

You will be missed no doubt.

Re: Post Scriptum

I also would like to warn you against desperately working in the game industry. For "outsiders" it's much more shining than the reality. Badass publishers, escalating problems between employees during the crunchtime and so on. Do a favor to yourself and start writing for a decent national/international magazine. :)

Oh yes, and don't stop updating Cesspit, please. Situation is that near all of the gaming sites and other homepages tied up by personal interest and log-rolling. Too few people dare to say shit to a game which is obviously shit and also too few folks give credit to the real value. If you stop it, one less guy does it.

Re: Post Scriptum

(tried posting earlier didnt work i guess)

First time i post here, guess many of us visiting your site
should register and post here since i think there is
alot of people who just enjoy reading your writings.

Sometimes i feel bad for not posting feedback on your ideas
because everyone needs to feel appreciated for the work they
put into sites like this.

Me and a couple of rl friends often discuss mmo gamedesign but
all of us have given up the idea of actually making a mmo, we
enjoy our discussions anyway but it isnt everything we do in life.
It would destructive if it was all we did, i hope you can balance
rl life with more things then just mmo writinings.. we all need more.
When we have found a balance between many good things we will feel
better since one of those goods things never take over us completly
and spending some time with easy of of them will never get frustrating.

Find more things in life and continue with this.. simply because this
does not have to be everything but one part of your life...
Do not throw away things/hobbies you like when they get nowhere
just balance them out with other things so does not get like this.

Others have the message out better then me, dont quit just adjust it
to healthy part of your life. that is dont spend 24/7 with this every day.

Hopefully you can work this out... plenty of people enjoying your writings
that you never have heard from..

Someone wrote about Cobain.. as a example... man that was a great post.

Re: Post Scriptum

great site...we are watching u from switzerland ... don't stop ur critisicsm...
ur a great writer with an interesting opinion that needs to be given to the world
of mmo players..

gz

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