If you read comics maybe you know that the DC is doing another Crisis and that the deus ex machina this time will be Grant Morrison, with art done by one of the best DC has, J.G. Jones (who made also the 52 covers for "52").
The whole thing starts this 28 May, with an introduction that set the basis, written by Morrison and the Bendis of DC (Geoff Johns) that is out in a few days. I wonder if any of this will make into the story...
Since I never read a lot of DC I made a grand plan of following the whole story since the first Crisis. Then go through Identity Crisis, Infinite Crisis and finally to this Final Crisis, to be published soon. A whole lot of reading that I never did. I'm still stuck at about issue 10 or 11 of the original Crisis. Very fine story, though, that didn't feel stale at all.
Recently I stumbled into this one series "The Death of the New Gods", 8 issues all already out with story and art by Jim Starlin, who is part of the old guard and made a lot of those epic, cosmic crossovers for Marvel. I'm not entirely sure, but I suspect the plot of this series is also the premise of the Final Crisis. Something about the new-new gods and Darkseid.
What I didn't know is that this segment of the DC universe, known as the Fourth World, was built by The King, Jack Kirby. And in fact in that cover you can see his typical insane heroes. Squint enough and you can see one in the background flying on skis. When is the last time you saw a so large groups of ridiculous heroes? Well, I couldn't miss the opportunity.
A better introduction is written by Dan DiDio himself. So read it if you are interested. And then read all the eight issues as the series is a little gem of perfectly preserved classic.
I'm a bit late watching this movie, but here it is (if you haven't watched this sci-fi movie you'll have no idea of what I'm talking about).
The movie can only be understood through the online material. Moreover:
Like life, and much of Wolfe's work, Donnie Darko can only be seen forward, but only understood looking backwards.
That said, the semi-official FAQ doesn't really explain everything, and about those parts who don't make sense they simply say: "this is open to interpretation". Nope. It's open to interpretation because you didn't get it. Heh.
This is my own paraphrase. EVERYTHING makes sense, is consistent, explained and never forced. There isn't anything "open to interpretation".
First thing: the real theme of the movie is the demonstration of the existence of god. Which is the element that ties together all the plot threads.
Postulate: the space-time is an entity trying to preserve itself like all organisms. It happens that the system has a crisis, and the entity has means to counter and solve the crisis. The same way an human body develops antibodies and can heal wounds. Trying to preserve itself.
The space/time anomaly in the movie, generating the Tangent Timeline, is not caused by someone or the random actions of someone or weird super-powers. It is not due to something related to the characters in the movie. It is simply a natural phenomenon, like the fall of a meteorite. So the characters in the movies aren't "special" by any means. They are simply caught in the anomaly. This is important.
Now. The anomaly is a danger for the integrity of the space/time entity. In the same way it happens to a human body if it doesn't heal, if the anomaly persists for too long, the space/time sort of "collapses". So it needs to be solved within a set maximum time-frame.
The anomaly has also a geographical epicenter. All those who are caught near the anomaly become the "antibodies" of the system. This means that ALL characters in the movie are "zombies" piloted by a greater will (space/time). If you could "interview" antibodies they wouldn't say who they are, what is their function and so on. Because they operate unknowingly. They are simply manipulated. Unaware. They have illusion of life and conscience, but they can't choose or really live.
This creates two groups. From a side, everyone in the village, the manipulated, zombie ones. From the other, our hero, Donnie Darko.
There's one main difference. The manipulated ones have no real "conscience", as they are manipulated, and have no special powers. While Donnie Darko has special powers (that allow him to fix the time anomaly and "save the world") but also has the freedom of choice. This means that the manipulated ones, being just puppets, are lead by an all-knowing hand. So an hand who knows how to fix things. While Donnie Darko has conscience, but no knowledge.
So. Manipulated ones, who know how, but don't have the power to. And Donnie Darko, who has the power to, but doesn't know how.
The WHOLE movie is about (subject) the manipulated ones trying to induce Donnie Darko to do his task. A tutorial. They will try to make Donnie Darko do it. Force to do it. Induce.
Most of the plot in the movie is pure, awesome Deus ex machina revealed. Making all sort of things happen just to induce Darko to do something.
For example: why the old crazy woman goes every day to check her letter box? Common answer: because she knows something, so she goes to check if a letter about that something arrives.
Nope. That woman is a zombie like everyone else. She checks the letter box to induce another character to say "someone should write her", to then induce Donnie Darko to do it. This letter being sent would then, at the end of the movie, induce the old woman to find the letter, and start to read it in the middle of the road. Who consequently induces a car to arrive, dodge the woman in the middle of the road and kill Darko's own girl.
Why Darko's girl dies? To induce, once again, to make him do his task. Death and life of zombies doesn't matter. What matters is simply persuade Darko. Push him to "do the right thing". That is: using his powers to fix the anomaly and save the world (so preserving the time/space self-preserving entity).
This introduces the theme about god. Darko can see the future movement of people (the transparent tunnel coming out the chest). So he speaks with his teacher. Meaning: if I can see the future, then it means things are already determined before they happen. So this means that there is god, as someone who makes those choices and sets the plan. BUT. If, I, Donnie Darko can see where they will go, so having the power to *change* it, then who am I? What happens if I don't do what they tell me (save the world)?
Teacher reply: I cannot answer because... (stupid reason). Of course he cannot. This is a scene about Donnie Darko (god's tool) asking god (a manipulated one) what happens if he doesn't do what the god has asked him. Of course god can't answer. Taboo.
So, again, the movie is about Donnie Darko internal conflict: do I do it, or not? I fulfill my role or not?
In the scenes with the psychologist Darko says he:
1- Knows that there's time limit, so that things aren't going to last. Something is going to happen (end of the world).
2- He doesn't want to die alone.
He knows that when the time is come (the maximum time limit of the Tangent Universe), he will be alone. Him and his vision/tutorial (Frank/god). He will be alone because he knows that the he will have to do the choice alone. To do his task or not.
Added element. Everything that happens in the Tangent Universe isn't in any way "normal". It's simply the realization of Darko's own wishes. He finds a girl, fucks her, is handsome, is intelligent, has success with everyone, kicks various arses. He's basically badass all around.
NOT because Darko's really badass. But because that's his own wish. He got powers. He has the power to realize all he wants. So he actually LOVES this Tangent, unstable Universe. Because everything is great for him.
This also explains a part that is rarely understood. There's a point where Frank tells him (before he teaches him how to do his task, by opening a wormhole in the movie theatre): Donnie: "Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?"
Frank: "Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?"
Now, it makes sense asking someone *why* he's wearing a bunny suit. Because there's a choice, so a reason. While it doesn't make sense to ask someone *why* he wears a man suit. Because it's not a choice. You are born with it.
What Frank implies there is: nope, Donnie. You're not just a man. You're past that. You've got powers. You can be whatever you want. Why are you still sitting here, pretending to have a normal life (wearing a man suit)?
That's the transition. Frank is "teaching" Donnie who he really is (god's tool to do a task, with super-powers and all). In fact shortly after he teaches Donnie how to use his power to fix the anomaly.
Darko has the choice. To recognize god and complete the task. Or still cling to his pretty but ephemeral life. Denying god.
Why Donnie Darko dies by the end of the movie?
To begin with, he has the choice to live. He could complete the task and still live. The task doesn't require Darko's death. It only requires Darko to "give back" his pretty ideal life, as that Tangent Universe would be "sealed", solving the anomaly (god, aka the space/time entity, would cheer at this point).
So why he decides to die? It's quite simple. As written above, he's scared to die alone. He's scared to follow Frank/god's order and give up at least part of his life. But when he finally accepts the task, he also accepts the existence of god. He seconds the greater will, so he *affirms* it. By doing so he's not anymore alone.
He basically passed the test. Accepted god. Hence he transcends his own being. By doing what he does he didn't *have* to die. But he's so "past it" that his mortal body, girlfriend, family and EVERYTHING he cared about, are now pretty useless. He's beyond. He recognized god and doesn't need anymore a mortal life and body. Stopped to care about the ephemeral stuff of everyday's life.
OR. He's betrayed. Used as a tool, induced to believe he's transcended. Induced to kill himself after his task was complete. Either you believe in god, rewarding people who comply. Or you believe in the space/time entity who operates to simply preserve itself. Kinda selfishly. And once the tool is used, it is tossed away and killed. Making the tool believe that he's got a much better life.
Either you believe in god as a generous entity. Or you believe in god as a manipulative one. Caring for himself.
The movie obviously stops there. Doesn't show what happens if the anomaly wasn't fixed (it's just the space/time entity making believe people that things would be very wrong if the anomaly wasn't fixed. But maybe only selfishly). Doesn't show what happens to Darko's "life" past death.
Quite a wonderful movie-idea. One of the most ambitious ever.
Problem is, the movie doesn't provide the tools to understand itself. You have to read stuff online, read the "solution". I think it would have been much better if these arguments were also real themes *IN* the movie. Instead of outside of it.
Submitted by Abalieno on February 17, 2008 - 23:32.
I'll just say this, the story is already seen, but three pages and the sense of wonder that the series had lost for years is back.
Mark Millar is one of the best writers comics ever had, along with Morrison, Moore and Gaiman. Bendis is good as well, but these other writers have the talent of being able to write about EVERYTHING.
Submitted by Abalieno on December 26, 2007 - 06:02.
On other MMO blogs I read sometimes that there aren't anymore arguments to talk about, or discussions to have. If you feel so, it's because you failed.
I remember clearly why I started this blog. At that time it wasn't simple to voice opinions. The Waterthread community didn't have a good opinion of me and liked to ban me periodically and good discussions were going to be invariably lost just because they also periodically wiped the boards.
I started a blog because I wanted to voice my own opinions and build something on them. Not because I wanted to boost my ego, or because I thought my own opinions were indispensable for the world, but because what I wanted to say was different. In a similar way I was also looking for other voices out of the chorus. I started to read Lum when he was the voice out of the chorus. I continued following the community when he became the chorus. I continued looking for and reading those blogs with people who had something to say. I started my blog because I had something to say. A lot.
You may agree or not with what I wrote along the years, being interested or not, think it was utterly stupid or pointless. But it was different. I always looked for other points of view, then make my own opinions. There was this First Rule that made blogs interesting in their own way: THE HATE.
Today people will say that 'teh hate' is a thing of the past. The unconstructive hate. I always thought that the hate stood for something valuable: the critical point of view. *I* read blogs, Lum in the first place with his site and community, for a very simple reason. The voice out of the chorus was critical. It was subjective. But it was also honest and without filters. That was the point.
At the time mmorpgs were such a clusterfuck that you needed both consciousness of the thing, and find new solutions. Those "critical", "hateful" communities figured out things way before the market itself recognized and adapted. They were AHEAD of everything.
So I sneaked there because it was extremely interesting, stimulating. It was alive. There were things to figure out, to study, to find solutions for. It was a "field" that was growing, becoming more important. And it was necessary to learn from those communities.
When I stopped writing about MMOs it was not because I was bored or because I ran out of things to write. But because life pushed me in another direction when instead I wanted to invest MORE time in this thing. The more I wrote the more I had things to say. Different things to say. Relevant in my mind, so on a blog to be offered to whoever was interested.
And today I read of bored bloggers, or complaining that they ran out of interesting arguments. Why are you writing on blog? I always knew my answer.
Today we have an higher number of bloggers. This will always be a good thing. Many are gamer blogs specialized in one game, mostly a tale of experiences in the game more than game design ideas. This doesn't make them worse or better but from my point of view the today blogs are lacking what yesterday blogs had aplenty: the critical point of view. The desire to change. Make things better. Participate.
As with everything, the culture absorbs subversive attempts and makes them a popular trend shallow and alike. That's my view on the blogs of today: shallow and alike.
I'm reading DC's classic "Crisis on Inifinite Earths" to be ready to tackle the more recent "Infinite Crisis" and I've noticed that the triggers of the "Crisis" itself are two different moments with a lot in common:
1- On planet Oa one of the most brilliant scientists decides to discover the origin of the world, in spite of legends that foretell destructions if this happens.
In Mark Waid words: "Ten billion years ago when Earth was little more than cooling gases, the inhabitants of Oa, at the center of the universe, were immortal and had the powers of the legendary gods. They always strove for continued advancement, but their science became perverted, for one of them, Krona, swore to discover the secret of the universe's creation. Others warned him away, vowing that legends told of destruction to come to any who plumbed the mysteries of Creation."
(From: Crisis on Infinite Earths #7, October 1985)
For me Gomez are better than The Beatles. No one nowadays has their versatility and absolutely fascinating swing. And Ben Ottewell has The Voice. God in music.
They now have a decent website and they released a while ago a 2 CDs compilation of B Sides and rarities that packs their VERY BEST stuff. I always said that their rare songs were their best.
It also has one pretty cover:
EDIT: Woot! The second CD starts with the acoustic version of "Rhythm and Blues Alibi". That's one hell of a song.
EDIT2: Okay, last edit. iTunes has an exclusive worldwide "Live Session EP" with six songs. Go there and shill $1 for "Whippin' Piccadilly", because that version is superlative. And if you like it get also "Get Miles", that's Ben Ottewel and this version is exceptional again. The guitar in the second half is amazing.
36 songs. If you have iTunes you can go a preview them to have a good taste of their versatility. Or download them from the internet, but just listen all of them in a way or another because they are wonderful. Tomorrow for the first time since years I'll drive to a CD shop and come out with 2 CDs. The other being Momo's about which I've talked a little bit a while ago.
Today she was again on TV, with one charming song. You can listen it through this site (La Madonna di Pompei), or directly from here.
Listen it till its very end, because it's there the best part. One little gem. With a vague Yann Tiersen reminescence in the music (the one from Amelie Poulain, I hope you know who she is).
I knew I should have closed the site when I had decided to.
If this is another bluff then I'd be glad, but for sure it's not planned nor deliberate. So here I stop again. In the last couple of months I wrote less, but I gave up to the urge in many cases. This time I doubt I'll write, no matter how big the news or short the comment. We'll see. Maybe just another bluff.
I'm sorry for the few readers I have and even more sorry to see my own efforts come down to nothing.
Well, going back I'd still make the same choices. Please no comments, because after the third time they would be inappropriate.
/emo off
EDIT: So it looks like this isn't going to be a bluff (things are unsure even for me). I take the occasion of an e-mail to repeat in short the reasons of the "I quit", so they can stay up here.
--
I've written during the "original stop intention" (September 12) the reasons why I decided to stop.
It's not because I'm not having fun anymore writing, but because I want to do it even more. I want it to lead somewhere, to be fruitful. I want to continue to learn and dedicate myself to it. I want to be part of it.
So more than a desire to do something else, I have the desire to persist. The problem here is just in the unwanted conflict between what I'd like to do and what I have to do. My "real" life asks me to betray my desires, because they lead nowhere and are that kind of childish wishes that should die as soon as possible.
I am the dreamer, I'm the one who chases the impossible. That's why I lasted more and did much more than what was intended. But I'm also on a point where I don't seem to have that luxury of choice anymore. I'm not anymore a kid, need to find a job, find something to do that is in the realm of "realistic" and all that. Even if it doesn't correspond to what I want for myself.
I also don't accept compromises. I don't accept to write about games as an hobby. I don't accept to do it in my spare time. I won't let the site slowly decline because I have to do something else.
So. Or I continue (and this path seems closed now), or I betray myself.
In the last week here in Italy we got "Sanremo", a yearly week-long popular music festival on TV. It's for us like a smaller-scale Super Bowl, fading a bit in popularity and relevance in the last few years.
Anyway, there's this song that was rejected from the official exhibition but that was presented in another context. And I love it :)
It's catchy, simple and there's a funny choreography to dance with it (that is half the fun) but that you cannot obviously see. Now it's getting popular on the internet and here it is:
Submitted by Abalieno on January 25, 2007 - 06:28.
I'm currently reading all that Marvel and DC have published in the last few years. It is taking a while but I'm reading some excellent stuff. I'm not one of those nostalgic readers who say that nothing will ever be as good as what we had. The style surely changed, but this is definitely an excellent moment for comics. Great artists, great writers. Sometimes you have to wade through some crap, but overall I'm having fun as a kid.
Still today Marvel is definitely ahead and still "connects" and "marvels" a lot more than DC. DC is more detached and abstract, a bit more classic. While Marvel really connects with our world. Comics could never be more actual than today.
Marvel still lives on the original, simple principle: super heroes with super problems. This is a very basic and distinct difference. Marvel has always been about the man behind the mask, while DC has always been about the mask. A DC mask can be worn by different characters. The mask, as a concept, persists. It's abstract. While the "actor" can change. So DC is more about the essence of the mask, while Marvel has always been about the man, his problems, his life. Then sublimated to the level of the mask. The mask is only a modality.
This is why mutants became a predominant sub-universe. They connect to the readers and they connect to some essential symbols. If you are a comics reader you know how classic super-heroes like Captain America or the Fantastic Four are considered much differently from mutants. This may sound as an odd idea because both save the world, both have super-powers. So what's the difference? The difference is that mutants are a mutation of a DNA code, you born as a mutant, while other super-heroes acquire their powers. Spider-man was bitten by a radioactive spider for example, he isn't a mutant.
In the Marvel universe the difference goes beyond this superficial level. Classic heroes are celebrated. Mutants are FEARED. That's the point. But why? Mutants are popular because of what they represent. Because of their symbol. It's not a case that mutant powers manifest during adolescence. Adolescence is also the "commercial target" of comics and this is the first type of "connection". The adolescence is also a critical moment in the life of everyone.
But why the fear? Because mutant powers manifest abruptly. Sometimes they explode out of control and they can become disasters. There are victims. One of the most awesome cycles I'm reading is Buffy's Joss Whedon on Astonishing X-men. It's really a masterpiece. What could happen if we find a cure for mutants? That simple idea is piercing. It goes right to the heart. If being a mutant is seen as a disease then there may be a cure. But this isn't just a choice of the mutant. This is a choice of all the people. It's a way to defend themselves. To defend from the monsters.
Mutants have always been the representation of racism. Yes, you can learn from comics. But you don't read the superficial, apparent level. You learn what's below. The shades of grey. The real conflicts that aren't distinctly black or white. Comics go way past the appearance. What if we find the cure for gay and lesbians? Are these even diseases? Curses?
Mutants not only represent the "different". But they are a DANGEROUS, menacing different. And that mobilizes people a lot more effectively. You aren't left indifferent. The interesting point is that this overall theme is not anymore a mutant exclusive, but it's becoming a leading one throughout the whole Marvel universe. Civil War (the latest crossover). I just finished to read "Illuminati". It's another masterpiece. But on the exact same line is the Mark Millar cycle on Spider-man (the one with Venom's death, Osborne etc..).
Today, in our real world, the problem of "security" is the main one. How far you are willingly to go? How much freedom you are willingly to trade in the name of security? And who watches the Watchmen? We don't know exactly from what or who, we are scared by everything, even ourselves. So I'm reading comics, but on comics I'm reading the exact same thing that you find on newspapers every day. With the difference than in a comics it is purged of all the frills and presented in all its metaphorical essence. And this is strong, because we don't live a real life. As human beings we live of symbols.
Our world gives only importance to the conscious, the superficial level (tip of the iceberg) only because it's the only part that the society can "transform" to its use. That can be influenced, conformed. While the symbols are mysterious, uncontrollable, fervent. And in the same way in Bendis' "Illuminati" special, they recognize their role (in a very "meta" way):
The big themes of our world are fought by our heroes. They are metaphorical figures. They are both our conscience and our nightmares. Exactly as greek mythology was archetypal of that culture (and today geniuses like James Hillman study human psychology as a form of myth - archetypal psychology).
Reading comics today is like assisting a mass psychotherapy of an entire culture. And it's damn fun.
I wonder if there is a connection between your obsession with two-handed swords, your inability to come up with a simple match making tool and the fact that you've never kissed a woman. ;)
Ah, well. I knew it was a bad idea revealing that. Uhm, no, there aren't any sexual parallels ;p Big swords and shiny armors have always been a myth for me since my youth. I liked very "high fantasy" settings more than realistic fantasy. The reason why I never kissed a girl is because there's a moment when things are supposed to "happen". Then the more time passes the more things become unlikely.
At some point I felt resigned to be destined to be "unhappy" about certain things. Like with girls or the desire to find my way into the gaming industry. My baby steps are inadequate and bring nowhere.
Today I COULDN'T CARE LESS about girls. They lost priority. I'm at a point where I HAVE TO find a path for myself, and while I can surely do without "love", I cannot do without "work" or at least that's what worries me today.
I knew I should have replaced that point with this one: "I actually don't like Start Trek or Lost as every other legitimate geek. Instead my favourite TV series are Dawson's Creek and Gilmore Girls (and another it's better I don't say)".
I guess the answer is a simple one as the blogosphere doesn't look big enough to resist even three of these loops. But the problem here is that I suck at being funny or have amusing things to say. Don't make me look even more ashamed than how I am. I suck.
Anyway. Let's see if I can think of something.
1- Uhm... I never read "Lord of the Rings" *ducks!* No, really. I actually love the book, but never read it. It's about the way my brain works and something I'm victim of that I was never been able to fully explain or justify: if I like something too much, I keep it "secret" to myself. Like waiting for the perfect moment that never arrives. I actually bought the book when I was ten or eleven. I was on vacation for the summer with my parents on the Alps, as every year (both summer -trekking- and winter -skiing-).
It was a rainy day so we went shopping instead of trekking and I discovered this huge book on a book stand. It was everything I could desire as I was already an avid reader and still looking for something as fascinating as Michael Ende's "Neverending Story" (my favorite book at that time and true personal myth). I couldn't buy the book but when I was back at home I convinced my parents to let me go back to the shop (that was in another town) even if it was already late and getting dark. I remember that I ran a lot and it even began to rain again. I was able to find the shop open and buy the book. While I was running back home I remember I was keeping the book below my sweater so that it wouldn't get wet. And it felt like a magic moment. I was feeling like I was holding the most precious thing ever. That evening I carefully set the book on a table and started reading... from the appendixes.
That's where I discovered that the book was only one part of an universe. The "world" was for me more fascinating than the story and the single characters. And I decided that before reading it I had to track all the other books and then read them in order. I didn't want to miss anything and I started a research that went on for a long time. Today I still haven't read the book from the beginning to end.
The truth is that when I love something too much, I wait "for it" forever. I don't want to read ten pages, because it means that I have ten less pages to read. Like if they are lost and without the possibility to go back. So I keep hoarding "precious stuff" to me but that I cannot really use because I don't want to lose it. It's stupid, of course, completely illogic, unjustified, but it's something I cannot really control. And it still happens today with other books, games, comics. I leave the best stuff last, and it often means that I never see that best stuff. I'm always waiting for the "perfect" moment while actually wasting it all.
So I never read LotR because I loved it too much and I could read it only when that loved faded, so that it became actually a "mortal" possibility. There are things I simply love too much to use them. If I don't use them they remain in the realm of perfection and I can venerate them properly. I venerated LotR for a long time, like an idol. But I didn't read it.
2- I'm a bit hypochondriac. Not the kind that invents problems. But the kind that gets worried and anxious about just everything. I transform little problems into big dramas, but not because I like dramas, just because I get really worried. The kind of: OMG! THE END!
Of course that kind of reaction doesn't really help.
3- I don't know how it translates to the USA school system, but something like college graduation. We have to go through some tests and a final exam. The most important of these tests is about a writing essay. Well, I went school drunk and after having slept two hours. I started to write and chased the flow. I never had problems writing, but that was a moment of my life that I was particularly inspired. I got the max possible in that test but the final exam didn't end exactly well as the president of the commission finished to yell at me and generate another drama scene.
But I was above all that. It was the best period of my life. I was... free. I was inspired. I had the right answers for EVERYTHING. I had learnt to see things from the other perspective, break the rules, find my way. Reclaim an identity, thoughts and all that. I could do just everything, I had all the power of this world. I had everything in my hands and I wish I could go back. Because today I feel lost, powerless and have no answers.
4- I scared a teacher when I was in college because I used to play with the "Necronomicon" and other, more serious, magic books. Writing symbols on stones, amulets and all that. I didn't do that seriously but I really had lot of absurd books that I was able to track. For me it was something to play not more serious than reading horoscopes on a magazine, but I like digging stuff, finding old books, follow references, authors and whatnot. I also played a lot with yoga and all sort of other fancy things. But I'm also a very rational person so I never believed in anything.
5- I.. Doh! Never kissed a woman! OMG! But proud of it! I actually started to have interest in girls extremely early. I was around girls when most boys only cared about trucks and monsters. Every moment of my life is accompanied by a woman, just without her being aware, or without being really involved. I'm a case limit.
Ok, now who's left? Foton, J. (who I doubt will ever know about this), Darniaq (who stopped writing there and I'm going to join him very soon), Krones (who was briefly resurrected) and, just for the sake of it, Anyuzer, because I miss him.
Submitted by Abalieno on November 28, 2006 - 19:19.
Maybe you noticed that I blacked out the site yesterday, and it was going to be a definitive thing.
In the last few weeks I've written occasionally, then pulled those posts, back and forth... It's not like I was trying to reply Lum's drama with SND entirely on my own, or that I went crazy (well, a little bit), or that I'm a bluff (I hate you). It's only that some things popped up along the way, I got some (very weak, but still very important for me) hopes up. I was oscillating between "can I continue then?" "Is it over?" then those hopes were crushed and it was again game over. I've given all I had to give. Goodbye.
Then Zonk wakes up today and reminds me that we still had to finish something. A little thing that I want to complete. I didn't remember that and I thought that he just didn't want to continue as he didn't write me for more than a week. Like "Omg, this is an idiot. Lets ignore him and hope he goes away!" I thought we were done for good even in that case.
Instead he wakes up today.
So here we are again, He is a reason good enough as another to keep things up for a few more weeks. There isn't any other goal or purpose or whatever. So, why not?
Since I'm also tired and annoyed by all this back and forth I MAY start to write again. For a month (2007 - it ends). As I did before the 12 September. Maybe.
Submitted by Abalieno on November 27, 2006 - 14:00.
I can see as well that "Error 28 from storage engine" on top and it is obviously related to the categories.
Google told me that this is a common problem that I shouldn't be responsible of, but something that messed up on the hosting end.
From what I understand the error 28 is a problem of "out of disk space" on the /tmp directory, so MySQL cannot perform some actions. It's unlikely that this is my fault, as I'm currently using 0.4% of the total disk space that I should have available.
So what I can do is just tell Dreamhost of the problem and hope they figure it out.
EDIT: Problem solved in less than an hour (from what I can see from the logs). Not that there's much to see :)
Submitted by Abalieno on September 20, 2006 - 19:49.
Once upon a time I was a child.
Those in the pictures aren't "toys" but just leftovers of the parquet of the upper floor of this house. After the parquet was finished there were thousands left and they became my favourite toy. One afternoon my parents left me for a few hours to go to a school meeting (I was a very, very quiet kid) and when they returned the floor was FILLED with those kinds of "drawings". I was so absorbed and concentrated playing with those that it looked like if I was in some sort of "trance", breathing roughly but calmly.
Sadly I cannot find the pictures where I was playing with the colored blocks that came in various shapes (cilinders, pyramids, arcs and so on..), with those I used to make "vertical" compositions and temple-like buildings. It was tricky because I had to learn balance as a block placed wrongly could have triggered a chain effect and destroy everything.
I feel like I haven't done anything good since then ;p
P.S.
"The Brother from Another Planet" is the title of a wonderful movie of an independent USA director.
Submitted by Abalieno on September 19, 2006 - 00:42.
I didn't reply to the (kind) words Raph wrote or the (kind) forum thread on Q23 because I decided to not read anything for a few days. If you see me writing now it's not because I changed my decision but only because I want to make some precisations as everyone that commented was wondering what I was trying to achieve with this site or the real reason why I decided to stop.
So I'll try to explain as clearly and succinctly as I can:
The purpose of this site: The purpose of this site was to be a "surrogate". A ladder to watch the stars. I didn't expect to get a job in the game industry by writing here (come ooon). I was writing here because I KNEW I wouldn't have an occasion to get a job in the game industry. Writing was a way to get as close as possible to what I liked and that was out of reach. Confrontate and all the rest.
This site didn't have a "goal" to reach. I didn't "quit" because I didn't get as many readers as I originally hoped or because I wasn't influencing game design enough. Nor because I wanted to replicate what Lum did. I don't pretend to be on the same league. This site was a playground and an archive. A memory. It was simply a bag where I put thoughts. As a bag, it was just a container and didn't have another goal or purpose. Just that.
The reason why I'm done: the reason why I'm done isn't because this site had a goal that I wasn't able to reach, nor because I cannot pay the hosting fees. The reason is entirely external to the site and is about myself. Writing about mmorpgs completely absorbed me and I loved it. I wasn't bored doing that, I wanted to do it MORE. Dedicating it more time without feeling bad.
I simply reached a point where I wanted to justify what I'm doing. Is that odd? Justify that dedication. Find a sense so that I didn't feel like wasting time. Find a legitimation. But I knew that I didn't have an option, so I felt like being pulled into two opposite directions, and I broke there.
I'm broken.
So. Thanks everyone for the comments.
There's a (now old) thread on Q23 where I wrote some more. The thread is also interesting for the discussion beside my specific case.
I think that within five years, Abalieno will be able to make his dream come true. By himself, mostly.
That's not a dream, it's a nightmare. My dream is to work with other people where I'm just one of many and make games for other people. Not doing a game on my own and where I'm going to be the only player.
Submitted by Abalieno on September 11, 2006 - 23:00.
So. This is supposed to be my last post. It's not the first time I decide to "quit" but I think this time it won't be undone.
My ticket expired. I had originally planned to run this site for about a year, then close the chapter, draw my own conclusions and figure out what I had left in my hands. Then some situations changed and I gave myself another one. The year is over and I'm already beyond that limit, because I was planning to close the site before the end of July, so that I had the rest of the summer to think more about it.
It's not even the first time I put everything to waste.
Today is my birthday and I thought it was a good occasion to end my biggest dream with it. My birthdays have never felt particularly joyful or positive as I always felt more the weight of what I haven't done than what I have done. And what I have to do and that I'm not able to. Now I'm not as young and the gap and the weight can just increase exponentially from year to year, so I didn't mind to add a reason to that bad feel that I was expecting anyway.
What I don't want to do with this site is the rare update, the slow down, the two-months leave. No, I prefer to put a definite end and don't turn back to see. When I do something I dedicate myself as much as I can to it, without compromises. Moreover, I didn't have another possibility since I would have never slowed down without a definitive choice. The more I get into things, the more I get absorbed. And I love it. As long as I can afford it. But I was an anomaly.
I did this as long as I could afford it. Probably even more than I could afford. So I knew that I was running out of time, I know that I was running already PAST of what I should have done. It was a stretch because I was chasing what I wanted instead of accepting to have my feet nailed on the ground.
Yes, I chase dreams and I'm proud of it.
See, the things I expect aren't the things I wish. Systematically the things I expect happen, while the things I wish don't. That's also the margin between this site (I'm a designer!) and the real world (I'm a jerk!). This site existed on that gap. On air.
Like a walk in the countryside. "Let's pretend that things aren't as they really are." Let's believe that, at least for a while. This site was just that: a "at least for a while". And then: "Just another minute, please..."
A midsummer night's dream.
Now I'm done, whohoo! I'm so addicted that I'll continue to write and take notes, even if it has no purpose. At least to mitigate the sense of loss. I don't know how I'll react because that's really what I want to do. Get absorbed. Now I have to tell my brain "it's over". Don't think about it. Don't go that way. Dead end.
I was one of those who play games almost exclusively to analyze things, figure out what works, why it works, find sources of inspiration. I love that, it's all I love. I'm going to close the site because I have to cut away all that to not lose myself into it. It's poison. Go away.
It will be harder for me than you can imagine.
I'm sure that there will be better games, and that there would so much to talk about. People will do that in my place. Just don't expect me to agree with them :)
At the end that's what I wanted more. That we were "there" and all contributed to the same thing. The sense of participation, instead of each one doing his own thing, closed in his own house. I always tried to go out and "reach". It's also not something that I can do well as I'm not the charismatic type, but I tried.
I also see myself as quite miserable. I'm not proud of anything at all. If it's an end, it's an end in shame for me. In one of my notes I wrote: "I won't be able to explain my parents what games are, because I just wasted time. And when people will ask me what I did, I'll just sit there and stare at them blankly". I do feel a sense of failure.
I chased a dream, but a dream that cannot be told. In James Joyce's "Dubliners" there's a story called "Two Gallants". My hands are empty.
The reason why I decided to stop writing completely is because this site was feeding that interest. And it grew, and then grew more. And now I have to choke it. Forget about it. Off limits. What are the alternatives? I resisted till I could, fought my small, pointless battle. With no redemption at the end.
My biggest dream was to be part of things. Not because I thought of myself as the indispensable, unique genius, but just because I love those things and I wanted to be "there". Ready for anything. No matter what the conditions were. I tried to adapt myself the best I could, do everything the best I could. And then more, because it is never enough. Not even close to being enough. But at the end I was here writing on a blog, it was the best possibility I had to get as close I could to what I loved (the ladder to see the stars). I somewhat achieved much more than what I originally thought. But this is of no use, nor satisfaction. It lead to a good amount of frustration, but that was expected, so I was prepared.
I'm quite the anomaly if you think that I had to go even against the language barrier and everything. I needed a fair amount of "arrogance" even to pretend to do what I did. Trying to find a space among people that I absolutely didn't belong to. Raising my hand knowing that I didn't have any right to speak and noone would care about what I had to say. I think noone could have been more out of place than me, but I just felt too much that push. Finding my own way, and then continue from there. Try to not delude. Try to get better, dedication. Vocation.
But it only works after you find a breach. I cannot cultivate something if I just cannot be part of it. It just too frustrating. Sometimes I used "we". But there's no "we". There's all of you, and me. I'm out.
At the end I could stay suspended on air only for so long, like Wile E. Coyote, no matter how much I want something. Or I was able to cross the line, or I should have gone back. A matter of "opportunities". Real life is only a matter of opportunities, not dreams. The two rarely meet each other, and in general people put their dreams close to the opportunities.
So good luck to everyone who has that "privilege" of being there. I will always look at you with envy ;p
I have a HUGE respect and esteem for you, in particular for those few who participated in the "circulation of ideas". You know who you are. It didn't appear so just because I needed that arrogance to get the right to speak and not feel intimidated. And when I criticized it was because I knew you had big shoulders.
"The ladder to see the stars". That's an appropriate way to describe how I felt this site. It is just absurd. If you climb a ladder you don't see the stars any better. But it was my only opportunity to be there.
I'm not going to open another site, I'm not going to write for someone else and I'm not going to vanish only to reappear under a new identity. You can get a sigh of relief :) No more bitching from me, no more dev-bashing, no more accuses, no more problems. No more broken english. I'm packing up my things and leaving you alone, at last.
This site should remain online, if things don't change. So everything should continue to work, just without me posting what I write. It's time for me to shut up, I don't think I have anymore the right to say anything. I don't feel anymore that right. The anomaly is resolved.
I'll leave again as I arrived, with no friends nor merit.
One promise: I'll remember all of you for much longer than you'll remember me and this site.
"At three we run into opposite directions!"
"One!... Two!..."
-- Post Scriptum
I didn't reply to the (kind) words Raph wrote or the (kind) forum thread on Q23 because I decided to not read anything for a few days. If you see me writing now it's not because I changed my decision but only because I want to make some precisations as everyone that commented was wondering what I was trying to achieve with this site or the real reason why I decided to stop.
So I'll try to explain as clearly and succinctly as I can:
The purpose of this site: The purpose of this site was to be a "surrogate". A ladder to watch the stars. I didn't expect to get a job in the game industry by writing here (come ooon). I was writing here because I KNEW I wouldn't have an occasion to get a job in the game industry. Writing was a way to get as close as possible to what I liked and that was out of reach. Confrontate and all the rest.
This site didn't have a "goal" to reach. I didn't "quit" because I didn't get as many readers as I originally hoped or because I wasn't influencing game design enough. Nor because I wanted to replicate what Lum did. I don't pretend to be on the same league. This site was a playground and an archive. A memory. It was simply a bag where I put thoughts. As a bag, it was just a container and didn't have another goal or purpose. Just that.
The reason why I'm done: the reason why I'm done isn't because this site had a goal that I wasn't able to reach, nor because I cannot pay the hosting fees. The reason is entirely external to the site and is about myself. Writing about mmorpgs completely absorbed me and I loved it. I wasn't bored doing that, I wanted to do it MORE. Dedicating it more time without feeling bad, but legitimate.
I simply reached a point where I wanted to justify what I'm doing. Is that odd? Justify that dedication. Find a sense so that I didn't feel like wasting time. Find a legitimation. But I knew that I didn't have an option, so I felt like being pulled into two opposite directions, and I broke there.
I'm broken.
So. Thanks everyone for the comments, but they cannot help.
There's a (now old) thread on Q23 where I wrote some more. The thread is also interesting for the discussion beside my specific case.
I think that within five years, Abalieno will be able to make his dream come true. By himself, mostly.
That's not a dream, it's a nightmare. My dream is to work with other people where I'm just one of many and make games for other people. Not doing a game on my own and where I'm going to be the only player.
People are going crazy since soccer is the most followed and practiced sport over here. Deeply rooted in the culture. The match was surreal, with Zidane losing his mind and everything. During the second half France was definitely prevailing, they kept the ball most of the time and continued to attack restlessly. But the reality is that Italy had the very best defence in the world. That's undeniable. In the whole tourney they didn't suffer any goal coming from a normal action, just the own goal in the harsh match with the USA and penalty kicks, nothing else. So they won by defending and with some luck occasions here and there.
I'm not really a sport enthusiast but I watched all the matches. For some reason I "felt" a lot more the semifinal with Germany, that was also a better match to see. This one I was more detached. But still glad.
Btw, how comes that the great majority of France's players are black people?
(I guess it's time to go back writing about games?)
Should be back next Sunday. Bah, had things written half-done...
Memo for next week:
- Comment Mark Jacobs interview on Gamespot (and Sanya on EA fiscal year and DAoC)
- Write critique/precisation about Raph's design (puzzle-like games, mechanics/metaphor again)
- Join Moorgard and Nerfbat with the discussion on crafting
- Read FFXI census, comment maybe (subs: "over 500,000 players logging in")
Everything went to smooth on Monday, so I decided to make a new trip to the dentist. No, really.
The pain I didn't feel that time I'm feeling now. No, really.
Fact is that I discovered that the hole that my wisdom tooth left was so deep that it went right to my fucking NOSE. Air goes through it. A goddamn hole between the mouth and the nose. I couldn't even imagine it could be something possible. Then, you know, Google-fu answered me that what I felt was, indeed, true.
Back to the dentist when I thought I was good AT LEAST for two years. It lasted TWO DAYS instead.
Got more needles and basically she closed the gum, "extending" it. Now I have STITCHES in my mouth and I feel them. Hello painkillers.
We'll see if this is enough or if the oddissey continues through more complications.
It was too easy, I had to go back for some more fun.
I had to visit the dentist to get one of my wisdom teeth pulled out. I have all four of the fuckers, but at least the other three seem healthy enough to stay there without problems. This one instead it's about three years that loses pieces even if it never gave me pain. So it was about time that I had to take the decision to have it out before it decided to go bitchy.
Problem is that I have some problems with anxiety in general and things like this one can easily put a bad strain on me. I lived the last weeks in apprehension, with many worries, in particular after the nightmare stories from Lum and Dundee about a year ago :) On the other side I'm a rather rational guy, so I usually try to fight the anxiety that way, and it really doesn't work. I mean, *rationally* I'm okay. I'm not scared or anything. Sometimes I feel like there's someone else in me that I cannot understand and who does *everything possible* to give me more troubles. While rationally I may be able to control my silly worries, the "emotional side" gives me all sort of knee jerk reactions. It's so damn awful because it's an irrational way my body reacts and I cannot do anything about it. Like sudden, very bad sensations, totally unexcused. I cannot control these and even if I'm "rationally" relaxed and determined to not give my anxiety too much importance, the body still decides to react his own way, and I can just stare like if I'm watching someone else. Leaving me the desire to punch this other guy right in the face, and start giving orders, "This body isn't big enough for both."
It's so fucking irritarting, even more because it makes no sense. I really HATE the way my body gives me all sort of problems ADDED on top of something I need to do and that I'm worried about. For someone rational like I am this is totally unacceptable. I would need my body to follow *exactly* my orders so that everything can go in the best way possible. "Rise the left hand" and I rise the left hand, "don't panic" and I don't panic. Instead it's exactly the opposite and the actual problem that I have to face becomes a much smaller issue that those problems rising from anxiety itself. It's a goodamn, totally irrational and unexcused vicious circle that irritates me to no end. Why the fuck my body needs to be my biggest threat? And how's this tolerable?
As I said I know no ways to fight all that effectively, so I just wait. I learnt to understand and expect these sort of rections so I know what is going to happen and if I don't feel well I can just wait the situation to pass. I can just try to ignore all that, even if it's not really possible. It's an added burden that I could totally do without, but my body has another opinion and I still haven't found a way to part ways, heh. So even this time I knew that despite the tension and the worries I just had to go through it and suffer it. And trying to control my thoughts rationally to ignore as much as possible the way I feel.
The whole thing about the tooth went smooth. Much better than I expected. I felt no pain at all and after the first moments I was also quite relaxed (at least as much relaxed as I could hope to be). I kept my eyes shut and my mouth open the whole time and I didn't even notice when my tooth came out. I was worried that it could shatter since it was already crumbling on its own, instead it came out all at once and rather easily. I was expecting much more violence. I was somewhat relieved and glad to not have to suffer complications and such (if you are anxious you are overly worried about things going wrong, you know). So at the end all the worries were again unjustified and what I did felt really like a minor thing to not even consider. The dentist (a she) told me to lay down still for a minute and then go sit in the other room. I was feeling good enough, I thought it was everything okay. Relieved.
So I go sit in the other room but one minute later I'm on the doorway again, "Uhm... I'm not feeling good." All at the sudden another knee jerk reaction, something I never felt before. I was sitting, glad that I went through the whole thing the best I could hope. I wasn't expecting anything else. Instead all at the sudden I felt a very bad sensation in my stomach and then spreading to the chest and rising to the head. And I could only go, "What the hell. What the fuck is happening to me *now*?" See, this is the kind of total separation between the rational side and the emotinal side. I was feeling okay, relaxed finally. And then all at the sudden that very bad physical sensation, totally unjustified and that I just didn't have an idea from where it came from and why. The dentist told me then to lay down again and stay there some more. She explained me that it's the sensation you have when you are going to "faint" and she told me it's not so rare. It happens when you go through something you feel emotionally troublesome and intense, no matter how you are convinced of the contrary or try to minimize (as I was trying to do) and then you relax all at once. Sugar in the blood goes down and the system reacts with a "shutdown".
I finished to be much more scared about what happened to me afterwards than the extraction of the tooth. Since I'm an anxious type I knew what to expect and the way I feel "bad". I don't think this trip to the dentist was more troublesome than other episodes but I've never been on the point to "faint" before. It was something new, that I wasn't expecting and pushing further that limit and lack of control over my body. I didn't like this at all.
So next time I have to go to the dentist I will be as scared as I was today. With the difference that I will be scared *of myself* and my irrational reactions, instead of the dentist. I cannot trust me in any way. Now explain me how the hell this can make sense and how I can tolerate it.
If you don't have a clue, "20th Century Boys" is one of the very best mangas produced in Japan. Coincidentally, even a huge success over there (author is Naoki Urasawa). If I don't survive today, this is my last post :)
This is a real song made by a fictional character. One of the best characters ever.
Hi ga kurete doko kara ka curry no nioi ga shiteru
Dore dake aruitara ie ni tadori tsukeru ka na
Boku no o-ki ni iri no nikuya no croquette wa
Itsumo doori no aji ga mattete kureru ka na
Chikyuu no ue ni yoru ga kuru
Boku wa ima ieji wo isogu
Rainen no koto wo iu to oni ga warau tte iu nara
Waraitai dake warawasetokeba ii
Boku wa iitsuzukeru yo gonen saki juunen saki no koto wo
Gojuunen go mo kimi to koushite iru darou to
Chikyuu no ue ni yoru ga kuru
Boku wa ima ieji wo isogu
Ame ga futte mo
Arashi ga kite mo
Yari ga furou to mo
Minna ie ni kaerou jama sasenai
Dare ni mo tomeru kenri wa nai
Chikyuu no ue ni yoru ga kuru
Boku wa ima ieji wo isogu
Sekaijuu ni yoru ga kuru
Sekaijuu ga ieji wo isogu
Sonna mainichi ga kimi no mawari de
Zutto zutto tsuzukimasu you ni
--
Approximate english translation (I have the correct italian version which is rather different):
The sun goes down, and I can smell
curry cookin', somewhere.
How long will we have to walk
before we get home?
Will the croquettes from my favorite shop
still taste the same,
waiting for me?
Night comes down upon the earth,
and I'm hurryin' home.
They say
the ogres will be laughing next year.
And I say
let 'em laugh all they like.
I'll keep talkin' about
five or ten years in the future.
And fifty years later, If I'm still with you.
Night comes down upon the earth,
and I'm hurryin' home.
Well the rain may fall
and the storms may come
And the spears may fall.
Let's all go home.
They can't stop us.
Nobody has the right to stop us
Night comes down upon the earth,
and I'm hurryin' home.
Night around the world,
the entire world is hurrying home.
And I pray that these days will
continue for you,
forever and ever.
In the last few days I've been idle here because, beside being sick, I discovered another geek paradise. The Napster of comics.
On the internet you can really find whatever you want, if you know where to look. The problem is always about finding it. In my case I was frustrated because it's more than a year that I keep waiting to read "Avenger disassembled" (one of the lastest Marvel crossovers). I own every single issue to this day (published over here, not the originals), "House of M" is starting and I'm still stuck to a year ago. This because I miss two issues of Thor right at the beginning of the story arc and decided to wait till I was able to get them. I'm quite picky about these things. The problem is that the crossover was published on a not so popular comic book series, over here, and I was never able to find the copies in a normal newsstand, nor from a specialized shop since they sold out and the publisher still hasn't decided to reprint them. One year and I still have holes in the plot.
So I decided to look on the internet to see if I was able to find a place where I could read the issues I was missing and maybe even find a correct "reading order" so that I could read the whole crossover linearly. I KNEW that there was somewhere a super-organized place archiving meticulously all that was being published. It happens for everything that is vaguely part of the geek world, games, manga, anime, movies, music, pr0n. You would be amazed about how some of these places are organized through a bunch of complicated .cvs lists, directory structures, CRC checks and so on. Beside the moral and legal implications of their questionable activities, the dedication and care of the internet pirates is amazing. They create museums and encyclopedias. So often you find things you have been looking for years without success. It's really not so much about getting stuff illegally to avoid paying it, but more about an *opportunity* to experience things that you wouldn't have otherwise. It's similar to the feeling I was having as a kid when I was riding on my bike for two hours during the summer to reach a city nearby and pass another couple of hours in a book shop finding sci-fi and fantasy books (Van Vogt, E. E. Doc Smith, Heinlein, Moorcock and, of course, Lovecraft were some of my favourite authors). A discovery, a world disclosed. The money is just the opportunity but the world you are interested about is elsewhere. The money is a barrier between you and that world. We aren't interested in the money, or to spend. The consumer mentality isn't the one of those who have interests and passions, but in the one of those who rise barriers in the culture. We are naturally meant to share experiences and to communicate. If I draw a comic I would ideally like it to be read by as many people as possible, and not have an high cost so that only a small group has access to it. This is the mentality of the internet pirates.
Of course it doesn't work. It's a silly utopia. If I'm an author I need my stories to sell or I wouldn't able to get what I need to continue to create them. If the pirates distribute my stories freely they steal my work and kill what I do. They kill me and my possibility to continue to communicate. It's kind of obvious that this model is wicked because it gets legitimation from a system that inhibits the original purposes. I'm here to communicate, but the only way to communicate is to create a barrier around what I do, so that only a limited number of people can have access to it. It sucks! I know it's inacceptable and I know that this world was designed by an idiot. But things work like that and our very reality is based on compromises.
The internet, as in other cases, brings up some basic contradictions of our real world. It happened with the music. You cannot stop people to hear and enjoy the music. It's a *perverse idea* to pretend to transform the music into a commercial product. The music is meant to be heard by the largest number of people. The music shatters paradigms, it shatters barriers, overthrows governments, it changes the world. You cannot confine it. You cannot create borders, lines of separation, barriers. The music is meant to cross them. It's its very nature. Nothing does that better than music. An artist ought to know this, but at the same time he cannot comply with his principles and the principles of what he does, because our real world imposes a value, a price on everything. A quantification of everything. A silly idea of the private property, even if everyone was born on this world and should have the right to walk everywhere.
These are all contradictions and we are all victims in a way or another. Our practical compromises want everyone to conform and comply, with the contradictions and everything. There aren't real answers. But we know that we all have inclinations that aren't exactly going in the same direction this world is. And so we'll keep dragging behind us those contradictions. We ought to love our world, even if it sucks.
So I was looking for those two numbers of Thor. It's wasn't a problem of money. If I read something I want to sit on my armchair, not in front of the PC. Reading doesn't work on a computer. It's a year that I try to find those two friggin numbers but they are sold out and it looked like that I had to start reading without the beginning of the story. So I started to dig the internet to see if I was able to locate one of those corners where you can find everything you ever desired. And I found it.
This time it's not about hidden chat channels, newsgroups or torrent sites. The pirate comicdom lives through a program called Direct Connect. Here some linear instructions to step into this wonderful geek paradise who can offer more than you ever desired.
You can get the latest version of the client from here. The installation and configuration is rather straightforward. This type of peer2peer is based on themed hubs/chatrooms where the users share their hard-disk directories. The most important step is to find the right hub and be able to access it.
These hubs usually have three requirements that you have to satisfy if you want to enter them and stay. The first is about sharing a minimum amount of content before you join the room. It can go from zero to 15 Gigabytes, so the real problem is about having already something to share before you can become a cog of this machine. The second requirement is about sharing content appropriate for the hub. So if you share 5Gb of pr0n and the room is about sharing music you risk to be kicked out as soon as someone spots you. The third requirement is the simpler one and is just about opening enough upload slots on your client. The more hubs you join at the same time the more slots you have to open, which is not recommended since one hub has more than enough stuff to keep you occupied for months. You can increase the number of slot from the "file" - "setting" - "sharing" screen.
To find a good hub and start this journey you go to this site. Here you can search for the public hubs available. In this case we are looking for comics so you type "comics" in the search field on the right and press the button. The list you'll get is a good place to start, but remember that you need to meet the requirements. Here I'm on a ISDN connection, which is barely better than a modem. If I was able to lurk and get enough stuff to meet those requirements I think everyone can.
The best hub for sharing comics seems to be megaman.gotdns.com - if you cannot connect at all it means it is down (it was yesterday for a full day). If you can connect but cannot manage to enter it, the error message should give you enough hints about why you cannot get in (not enough slots open, not sharing enough content). The requirements for this hub are 5Gb of comics or "cartoons". You can then read in the detail the rules when you join.
If you don't have those 5Gb you could find other rooms who have lower requirements. Another very good one is comicshack.no-ip.info which wants you to share 2Gb. And the one with the smaller requirements I could find is thewatchtower.no-ip.info:1411 - which requires only 1Gb but that is also much smaller. The idea is that you start to grind the treadmill so that you can get access to the better hubs. At the beginning I didn't have enough "on topic" content, but you can easily gain some time by sharing other stuff and hope you don't get reported. I know it worked for me :) Other options could be about getting initial content from torrents or newsgroups.
When you are in the hub you can start browsing the legendary library of Alexandria. Whatever has been published is probably available in a way or another. Old, new, it doesn't matter. You can find everything, it's amazing. If you know already what you are looking for you can just use the search function. For example if you want the issue 80 of Thor (one of the two I needed) you just type "Thor 80" in the search box. The client will start looking for all the users in the hubs where you are connected with that issue. The great majority of the files are in a .cpr format. This is something like a faked format, you can manually change the extension of these files to .rar or .zip and unpack them. Or use a particular program. Inside there are just simple .jpg files. In my case I just unpack them somewhere else and use an old version of ACDSee. An issue of 24 pages is usually around 10Mb or so. Quite agile even with a not so fast connection.
When you have the list of the files you can order it by size so that you can see what's the more popular format and get it. Sometimes the scans have a variable quality but in general they are decent. Another good idea is to check the "slot" field on the list. If the first number is not zero it means that the user has an upload slot available, so you can start the download right away. No waiting queues. Since the sharing happens between just two users the download speeds are good.
While you download a file it is possible that the user disconnects or that you lose the connection, but the program allows you to resume the downloads. To do this you just need to go in the "download queue" window, click on the file in the queue and "search for alternate". This system will check the CRC of the file, so even if the results have different names you can be sure it's the same file. If the previous download was interrupted you can take it here from another user and the program will automatically resume the download on the same file. Quite simple.
The other way to find the files is about clicking on one of the users in the chat and "get file list", this will download the full directory list with everything he is sharing at the moment and here you can start to explore and get some suggestions. Like entering a library and starting to browse what is exposed.
And a whole world discloses in front of you :) Things that I would never be able to find over here. Past issues of Astro City, the first issues of Grendel, Dave Sim's Cerebus, Jeff Smith's Bone, the first mini of Longshot drawn by Arthur Adams that I lost so many years ago, the delicious Alan Moore's "Lost Girls", De Matteis superb (and unfortunate) "Seeker Into the Mystery" mini, Warren Ellis' "Transmetropolitan", Rising Stars, Grant Morrison's "Kill Your Boyfriend" (I bought and lost this one TWICE. One lost to school friend and another to a.. uhm, girl. I simply love that comics, it inspired my adolescence) and, yes, even those two issues of Thor that I was desperately looking for a year. Finally I can start reading the crossover and I was even able to pull a complete reading list order from an user who had all of it organized :)
See, it's all stuff that I thought I had lost forever, or that I had no hope to find. Things that aren't being translated over here and that I don't have the opportunity to read. Tomorrow I'm going again to a specialized shop to get some other things that I had ordered. I am not going to stop reading comics because I found a well with no end on the internet. In fact this has lighted my interest again. I think I'll never download things that I can buy because a scan on a monitor just cannot compete with really reading. In fact it could happen that I go buy something that I initially discovered online and that I want in my hands.
Another example is the DC universe that here has been published randomly. Now I can finally dig those absurd crossovers like "Crisis on Infinite Earths". I had never thought that I would have the possibility to read it. Here I discovered crazy reading orders that group more than 700 issues. From the original crossover to Identity Crisis and Infinite Crisis. These comics don't arrive here and for sure I would have never had the possibility to read them and all those tie-ins. Money or not, it just wouldn't have happened.
I don't know how many of those "pirates" that share up to 500Gb of stuff are avid comics readers, but I suspect a lot. I suspect they are some of the most passionate fans that Marvel and DC have and that still buy real comics on real paper. Of course this is always dangerous. I was thinking about why Marvel or DC don't support these kinds of archives directly, offering themselves directly high quality versions of those comics, for example as a service with an accessible monthly fee as it happens for mmorpgs. This wouldn't become a way to make a lot of money, but it surely would extend the reading public and would also give more life to old comics that are still worth reading but that everyone ignores. The archive is bottomless, it's sad that all that stuff doesn't get read anymore.
I guess this doesn't happen because nothing stops a pirate to take even that material and made it available to everyone else for free. That would be a real piracy. Not anymore about sharing a passion and let people read things that would be ignored or forgotten otherwise, but just stealing to avoid to pay even a small fee. Again the ideals don't work really well and we are left to lurk in the illegality to nourish a passion.
If you read comics maybe you know that the DC is doing another Crisis and that the deus ex machina this time will be Grant Morrison, with art done by one of the best DC has, J.G. Jones (who made also the 52 covers for "52").
I'll just say this, the story is already seen, but three pages and the sense of wonder that the series had lost for years is back.
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